Humour sur les fréquences...

Moi, ça me fait rire... mais je suis bon public!

CTL : "Alitalia 194, taxi and hold short RWY 28."
AZ 194 : "ahhh... yes... taxi to RWY 28..."
CTL : "Alitalia 194, cleared for take-off"
AZ 194 : "ahhhh... two minutes, we need preflight checks..."

(a few seconds later)

CTL : "Alitalia 194, YOU ARE CLEARED FOR TAKE-OFF NOW !"
AZ 194 : "ahhh... yes...hemmm, take-off in one minute, sir."
CTL : "Alitalia 194, expedite take-off please, we have a Delta 767 two miles final..."
AZ 194: "ahhh... we need 30 more seconds..."
(voix américaine) DL 104 : "Hey, Spaghetti, take-off or I'll fuck you from behind !!!"
AZ 194 went off like a space-shuttle.

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CTL : "N123YZ, say altitude"
N123YZ : "Altitude !"
CTL : "N123YZ, say speed"
N123YZ : "SPEED !"
CTL : "N123YZ, say cancel IFR"
N123YZ : "hmmm, 8000 Ft, 150 Kts sir."

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Pilot : "Approach, how far from the airport are we ?"
CTL : "N823, the faster you go the quicker you'll get here."

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Pilot : "The first officer says he's got the field in sight."
Tower : "Roger, the first officer is cleared for a visual approach runway 27; you captain, continue on that 180° heading, and descend to 3000 feet."

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CTL : "Cessna 123, do you have 'Hotel' Information ?"
Cessna : "No, thanks, Tower, we're staying with friends."

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Controller: "USA353 (sic) contact Cleveland Center 135.60.
(pause)
Controller: "USA353 contact Cleveland Center 135.60!"
(pause)
Controller: "USA353 you're just like my wife you never listen!"
Pilot: "Center, this is USA553, maybe if you called her by the right name you'd get a better response!"

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BB: "Barnburner 123, Request 8300 feet."
Bay Approach: "Barnburner 123, say reason for requested altitude."
BB: "Because the last 2 times I've been at 8500, I've nearly been run over by some bozo at 8500 feet going the wrong way!"
Bay: "That's a good reason. 8300 approved."

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Pilot: "Bratislava Tower, this is Oscar Oscar Kilo estabished ILS 16."
Tower: "Oscar Oscar Kilo, Guten Tag, cleared to land 16, wind calm and by the way: this is Wien Tower."
Pilot: (short break) "Bratislava Tower, Oscar Oscar Kilo passed the outer marker."
Tower: "Oscar Oscar Kilo roger, and once more: you are approaching Vienna!"
Pilot: (short break again) "Confirm, this is NOT Bratislava?"
Tower: "You can believe me, this is Vienna!
Pilot: (once again short break) "But why? We want to go to Bratislava, not to Vienna!"
Tower: "Oscar Oscar Kilo, roger. Discontinue approach, turn left and climb to 5000 feet, vectors to Bratislava."

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Special for Jonathan!!!
CTL : "Air France 123, are you an Airbus 340 or 320 ?"
Air France : "340, of course !"
CTL : "So would you mind switching on the other two engines and giving me 1000 ft/min or more climb ?"

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Pilot : "Good morning, Frankfurt ground, KLM 242 request start and push please."
Tower : "KLM 242, due to slot-time, expext start-up in 2 hours."
Pilot : "confirm TWO HOURS delay ???"
Tower : "affirmative"
Pilot : "In that case, cancel the 'good morning' !"

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CTL : "D-EXXX cleared to land, please report number of persons on board."
Cessna : "Pilot and two pax plus one dog"
(le cessna rebondit 4 fois sur la piste et s'immobilise enfin)
CTL : "assume the pilot-in-command was the dog ?"

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Tower : "you have traffic at 10 o'clock, 6 miles."
Pilot : "give us another hint please, we have digital watches !"

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Tower : "Delta Fox Alpha, hold position, marshall will park you."
Pilot : "Roger, looking out for John Wayne."

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Pilot : "... Tower, call me a fuel truck."
Tower : "Roger, you are a fuel truck."

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Cessna : "Jones tower, Cessna 12345, student pilot, I am out of fuel."
Tower : "Roger Cessna 12345, reduce airspeed to best glide!! Do you have the airfield in sight ?!?!!"
Cessna : "Uh...tower, I am on the south ramp; I just want to know where the fuel truck is."

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